Log in

No account? Create an account

why am i a grown man with a diary?

fuck it....

January 14th, 2017

Done @ 10:44 pm

Finally done crying about this new old heart break. Maybe one day I'll know what it's like to be wanted/loved.


December 28th, 2016

Almost four more years later @ 03:56 am

And I'm still an emo kid at heart


March 29th, 2013

proud of myself @ 01:47 am

where i is: my room
i feel: artistic artistic
im bumpin: eddieflo - move on

I wrote and recorded this song a couple days ago.

i keep it on repeat and can actually jam to it.

this is me, with a song called move on


you can download it from soundcloud if you like

February 17th, 2013

i love love songs. forever hopeless, forever romantic. @ 02:10 am

In a fit of nostalgia, I started listening to old love songs in my room. It's almost 2am, and I hope my roommates can't hear me singing >.<

Here are a few of the ones I'm enjoying:


January 29th, 2013

that crush thing on my profile @ 06:53 am

i feel: nostalgic nostalgic

So today is january 29, 2013...

i decided to actually log into LJ from a PC for the first time in a few years

i decided to fix my profile a bit, updated a few things.
i hadn't touched my page in years, lol.

i noticed that i still have this crush widget that i posted here and on myspace back in the day.
remember bulletins???? that was so cool! facebook turned out to be a trap of poopoo... I'm still on it though... fml.

i digress...
that crush widget had several more crushes that i hadn't noticed, after i initially posted it. i decided to go to the site and, surprisingly, my login info was the same as most things. i logged in to find several messages that i had never seen before. its so fun to reminisce on the past, but it is also kind of depressing. There i was, back in 07, thinking that i was going to be forever alone and that girls never liked me. i must have been so oblivious to the ways of the world... i still am when it comes to matters of the heart. i can always only tell how I feel about someone, but i can never figure out how people feel about me. some of the messages were weird, but some currently have me thinking like a mad man. i can't help but think about all the things that could have been. i can't help but think about all the things i could have done, and all the memories that i could have had. alas, it is now 2013 and these things will never come to pass. shitty huh? ::sigh::

crushes 2007 2
crushes 2007 3
crushes 2007 4
crushes 2007 5
crushes 2007 6
crushes 2007

January 28th, 2013

Things i miss @ 12:50 am

I miss:
Hugs that last a lifetime
Kisses that have meaning
Holding her hand, if only just to kiss it
The touch from a woman who in as into me as i am her
Having someone who is afraid to lose me...
Having someone take me serious...
Knowing that someone doesn't have to hide me from their friends...
Knowing that they debt have to hide their friends from me...

Alas, these things arent meant for all of us. How would we know what a hopeless romantic is without a shining example? I don't want to work on valentines day... It'll just remind me of how pathetic my life actually is.

January 11th, 2013

Awkward moments @ 06:32 am

That awkward moments when one of your best friends hangs out with your ex. So much shade i don't need an umbrella... Fuck it though, do you homie. Just cause shes crazy and wants me to react. You can't make a hoe a housewife.

December 25th, 2012

Recurring themes @ 01:13 am

Christmas 2012 means I'm 26. Nobody gives a shit. Nothing changes. Nobody respects me as an individual. Nobody takes me into account when they make plans. Nobody respects my opinions. Nobody respects my wishes. I bite my tongue so much that there's perpetually blood in my mouth. Fuck everything. Fuck everyone. They wonder why i never keep in touch. I'm just the kind of person who is and will always be better off alone. Born alone, die alone, nameless. I know what drives people to suicide. Nobody knows of the days when i legitimately considered it. Nobody cares. I live within my means, which are extremely limited. Nobody praises these things. People praise ambition and greed. If i ever reach a point of affluence, it will be mine and mine alone.

December 5th, 2012

Shmosby @ 02:14 am

I am legitimately just like Ted mosby. Sad day lol. Fuck

Also, this Mr nice guy purp is THEEE business B-)

May 1st, 2011

Shit @ 05:11 am

I listen to shit on the Radio, it makes me think of you.
I think all kinds of perfect shit, because that's how i want shit to be.
The shit i feel could change the world, but some people don't know how shit could be.
I do all kinds of shit because i know i should.
I do all kinds of shit because i genuinely feel like you deserve good shit.
Shit doesn't matter.
Shit doesn't mean shit.
Life is shit.

Posted via LjBeetle

why am i a grown man with a diary?

fuck it....